yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
