You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
