Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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