i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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