I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
