yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
