I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
