those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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