She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God, I missed his penis.
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