i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
