then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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