I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
