He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize