absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize