Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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