I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
