I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
