I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So apparently I’m into choking now
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