sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
