but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
