he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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