i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
either way he was missing a nipple.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
