You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
