remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dicks are not precious.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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