I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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