If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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