Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
