Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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