I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize