I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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