I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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