I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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