do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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