we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
