i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
