you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
