So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize