a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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