I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
