I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize