You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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