I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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