And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
