I'm so fucking centered right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
