Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize