She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
