I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
