Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize