he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
