32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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