we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize