If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
