I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
