Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
