Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
