You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
