he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
