Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
