I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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