I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
